Stepping thoughts

So today's been a day of positive thinking. My horoscope, which I'm sadly addicted too, said that I should put 100% into whatever I'm working on. Well, I needed an overhaul on my attitude towards life and towards my self - so that's pretty much what I attacked all day. This incessant need to focus on my problems and become addicted to the morass and the anticipation of victory has preoccupied my mind for far, far, far too long. I am addicted to battle, to contemplation and 'perseverance' - when really all I do is rev my engine and spin my wheels. Essentially, if you dont have a goal in mind that is external to your mind and that is independent of your feelings, you're simply going to remain right where you are - running in place, revving your engine. The body follows where the eyes are pointed, and if the eyes are pointed in the direction of your crappy situation, and what you lack, then your body will simply move towards that, and you'll remain stuck. I've been so involved with my "self" for so long, and been so, so...SO self-involved its really unbelievable that I'm even sane. Now all I have to do is take this machine-of-a-mind and channel its seemingly infinite energy into something systematic and productive. If I can occupy it with productive thoughts, 'stepping thoughts' as I like to call them - I'll be able to create and accomplish anything. Its really just a question of finding the right channels, being disciplined, and strategic - and focusing on 'stepping thoughts", not 'goal thoughts'. The latter are important for envisioning what you want, but are totally useless for getting you going because visions, ideas, lack practical substance. They are simply 'ideas' or desires that are mixtures of images and feelings.

Having been stuck in this 'neutral' 'engine revving' position for so long, I've come to realize that what I lack is focus and discipline. I'm too all over the place, and lack the ability to prioritize and focus on just a few, practical things. I lack the ability to focus on 'stepping thoughts' because I lack patience. I believe that I am able to persevere, but really all I've done is put up with things. That's what I'm good at - I'm good at putting up with crap. I'm good at subsisting in crap and mediocrity. I'm good at remaining in the mire and getting to know the swamp really, really well.

'Stepping thoughts' is going to be my new focus. It is difficult, needless to say, to have the patience and perseverance to embark on a path filled with stepping thoughts. But really, when all you're focused on is one stepping thought without focusing on the outcome - on the 'path and the goal' - it becomes a lot more manageable.